


Where I feel At Home

by melikaioke



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melikaioke/pseuds/melikaioke
Summary: Set after 2x16.'There is a house built out of stoneWooden floors, walls and window sillsTables and chairs worn by all of the dustThis is a place where I don't feel aloneThis is a place where I feel at home'-To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra





	1. Chapter 1

Leanne groaned, her legs uncurling as she pushed them into the cold depths of the sheets. She arched her back as her stretch continued, then after a moment she recoiled back into the fetal position. Inhaling softly she let the breath out slowly, she forgot what it was like to wake up after a normal night's rest. Clearing her throat she threw back her sheets, giving her back one final stretch before pushing herself up into a sitting position. Her bare feet hit the hardwood floor, causing her to shiver lightly before she blindly sought out her slippers. Licking her lips she pushed herself up from the bed and headed towards her bathroom. She brushed her teeth and proceeded to wash her face before flicking the light off and heading out into the hallway. Glancing at the closed bedroom door she tilted her head, the corners of her mouth lifting in a smile before she turned to head down the stairs. 

Turning left into the kitchen she pursed her lips, she headed straight towards the coffee machine and emptied out yesterday’s grounds. Grabbing the items she needed she prepared a fresh pot and then headed over to the refrigerator. Pulling open the door she sought out eggs, milk, jam and fresh strawberries from the farmers market. Setting the items on the counter she closed the door lightly with her foot. Her ears perked at the sound of the coffee pot finishing, turning around she headed towards the coffee machine. She grabbed two cups from the small stand and set them down, reaching for the carafe she halted as the sound of keys echoed into the kitchen. 

Another smile pulled at her lips as she continued what she was doing and poured herself a fresh cup. As she set the carafe back into it’s cradle the door shut and locked again. She heard his faint hum as he set down his back pack, “Smells good in here.”

Clearing her throat she nodded, “I just made a fresh pot - you want some?”

Leanne turned around slightly, smiling wider when she saw Ethan. He was tired, she was sure. He had picked up a double to accommodate the two day Code Black. She had been persistent that she just come in, but Campbell told her two days off meant two days off. 

Nodding to her question Ethan ran his hands over his face, “A bit, I want to try and sleep today.”

Turning back she nodded to him, grabbing the carafe again and pouring him half a cup. “Did you get any sleep at the hospital?”

Her smile widened more as he slipped his arms around her from behind. She leaned her back into him as he tilted his neck to kiss hers. Humming he smiled against her skin, “You smell like coconut.”

Laughing lightly she slipped her eyes closed, “And you smell like iodine and stale donuts.”

Ethan laughed, which caused her to open her eyes again. “Hey, I only had one.”

Humming she turned in his arms, her back pressing against the counter as she wrapped her arms around him. Her fingers coiling around the fabric of his gray Army shirt. “Sure you did.” 

He leaned forward, his lips brushing against her own as he smiled. His eyes half hooded as he nodded, “Scouts honor.”

Leanne’s smile faded slightly as she looked up to him, his piercing blue eyes dancing as he started to smile again. She leaned forward just enough for her lips to press against his own, a groan coming from his throat as she did so. He ran his hands up her back, his fingers tangling in her loose, disheveled hair. She leaned to him again, her hands letting go of his shirt and moving to his stomach. She pushed back, a giggle escaping as he shook his head in protest. 

Breaking his kiss of desperation she licked her lips, “I need to start breakfast, she will be up soon.” 

Ethan tilted his head back, his hands removing themselves from her hair as he reached behind her, grabbing his cup of coffee. “You want me to take her to school?”

Her hazel eyes ran over him, her mind getting lost in the fact that he was here, that she was here. And that her house was full again with a life she had completely forgotten about. As he pulled away from her to get some cream she nodded, “If you want. I know you are tired.”

Pouring himself some cream he frowned, “I don’t mind at all, you know that.” Taking a spoon from the dish rack he stirred quickly and then set the spoon in the sink. 

Leanne smiled, going back to the breakfast items that had been discarded of all thought when he walked in the door. Grabbing the pack of strawberries she popped them open, turning around only to grab a knife so she could cut the stems off. Ethan set the coffee cup on the island she was working on and headed back to the hallway. She heard him unzip the backpack and rustle through a few things before descending back into the kitchen. 

“Campbell said some paperwork came in for you.”

Glancing up she nodded, setting down the knife she reached for the small pile of paperwork he set down. Leanne thumbed through a few things and then stopped, her brows raising as she read over what seemed to be orders for deployment. She felt a knot rise in her throat as she continued to read. Biting her bottom lip she looked up and over to Ethan, who was now sitting at the kitchen table scrolling the front page of the morning paper. She set the paper down, her head falling forward as her hands went to the marble countertop. Ethan must have noted her lack of noise as he set the paper down, his head tilted in perplexion at her features. 

“What is wrong?”

Lifting her head up she glanced over at him, her eyes squinting as she tried to figure out what could possibly possess him to sign on for another tour. 

“When were you going to tell me?” She rose her hand, which was still holding the paperwork for his orders. 

Ethan leaned back in his chair, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He looked away from her, which would probably make her more angry. But this wasn’t how he wanted to tell her, this wasn’t how at all. “It all happened kind of fast.”

Tossing the paper to the countertop she crossed her arms over her chest, “Really? Do tell.”

Clearing his throat he stood up, making the short distance from the kitchen table to the island. “My CO contacted me, said he needed someone to go to Syria and help the hospital there -”

“Syria, Ethan?”

He rose his hands in a form of a shrug, “They need someone experienced. Someone who knows what it is like out there.”

Leanne scoffed, “So you, of ALL the doctors in the Army are the most experienced?”

Licking his lips he shrugged, this time with his shoulders. “I don’t know, Leanne.”

Looking away from him she shook her head, “And how could you not come talk to me about this, before signing the papers? I mean, what made you think I would be okay with you doing another tour?”

“It happened quickly, I wasn't given any time for discussion or process. I had to say yes, or no -”

She looked back at him, her glare hitting him harder than he thought. “So, you thought yes was the better option? I just - I can't believe you didn't call me, talk to me about this.” 

“The Army is my home. It is all I have ever known since I was eighteen.” 

Tensing her jaw she tilted her head back, her eyes blinking to push back her tears. Inhaling sharply she looked back to him, her head shaking as she set her jaw. “WE are your family. Me, and Ariel. Jesse and the residents. You belong here with us, not out there millions of miles away.” 

Ethan sighed, “It is already done. I'm sorry.” 

Licking her lips she nodded, “I can't do this. I can't sit here and wait for you to leave and not come back like everyone else.” 

He stepped towards her, and he was more than sure that she would retreat. But instead she stepped towards him, “I don't want to lose you, Ethan.” 

“You aren't, we will figure this out.” 

Looking down at her feet she shook her head. “No - we can't.” She felt the lump in her throat grow larger, “I won't go through that, nor will I put Ariel through it.” 

“Put me through what?” 

Leanne wrinkled her nose, looking past Ethan at Ariel, who was already dressed for school. Licking her lips she smiled tightly, moving away from him and back towards the island. “Nothing, hon. Erm, I know you have to leave soon but let me make you some eggs.” 

Running his hand over his head he let it fall to his neck. Smiling over at Ariel he dropped his hand to look at his watch. “We can run and grab something, come on, can't have you late.” 

Setting her hand on the counter she nodded and watched as Ethan headed out of the kitchen and into the entryway. Ariel shrugged, smiling and giving Leanne a wave before turning around herself. 

“Have a good day!” 

Pressing her lips together she waited until she heard Ariel yell back a goodbye. Sighing as she heard the front door shut she tilted her head, turning slowly as she grabbed the eggs. Pulling the fridge door open she placed them back in their proper space. She grabbed her coffee cup, delicately holding it in her hands as she padded out of the kitchen and across the entryway to the living room. Going to her small, worn chair she sat down, her feet slipping out of the slippers as she tucked them under her. 

Silence filled the house, once again, as she stared out the window and to the side of the yard. The rose bushes were growing, she would have to trim them sometime soon. Pursing her lips she brought her cup up, slowly inhaling the aroma before taking a long sip of the coffee. She let the liquid linger in her mouth before swallowing and humming contently.

The time Ethan was gone to run Ariel to school passed quickly. Soon the sound of the keys in the door caused her to turn in his direction. Biting the inside of her cheek she concluded that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. 

As he entered the living room her eyes followed, he needed sleep. His shoulders were hunched over, and there were dark circles under his eyes. Pulling her feet out from under her she got up from the chair. “Thank you for taking her - but go sleep sweetheart.” 

Ethan nodded, “Yeah.” 

“I'm going to run a few errands. And I'll get Ariel from school.” 

He extended his arm out to her, his fingers reaching for her. “Come back to bed with me?”

Wrinkling her nose she shook her head, moving to pass hum she lightly ran her unoccupied hand along his. “I have too much to do. Next time.” Dropping her hand to the side she went back into the kitchen. Setting her coffee mug in the sink she grabbed his and did the same. 

She moved back to the island and collected the other items and stored them back into the fridge. As she closed the door she let out a breath, her head turning as the stairs creaked. Leanne waited a few minutes before going back into the living room and grabbing her slippers. Heading up the stairs she went into their bedroom, her steps halting as she saw him already wrapped up in the blankets, asleep. 

A lazy smile pulled at her lips as she set down her slippers. Pushing back some of her hair she went to the closet, grabbing some clothing for the day she descended into the bathroom. 

-

“I told you that you would do well on the test.” 

Leanne glanced over at Ariel who was in the passenger seat. She smiled tightly as Ariel shrugged. 

“Yeah, only with your help.” 

“Nah, I just nudged you in the right direction.” 

Ariel nodded and let out a few giggles. She turned her direction out the window before turning towards Leanne. “What were you and Ethan talking about this morning?”

Running her tongue along her bottom teeth she inhaled slowly, she stopped for the red light and looked over at Ariel. “What?” 

“Oh please. I'm not an idiot, and I'm not deaf. You were shouting at him about something.” 

Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel as the car behind them honked. Glancing up a at the now green light she pressed at the accelerator. 

“It's nothing.” She smiled tightly, her lips pursing outward as she watched the road. 

“Didn't sound like nothing from all the way upstairs.” 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ariel push back some of her hair. Leanne tapped at the steering wheel, her nose wrinkling for a moment before she rose her brows. 

“Hey - why don't we go to that store you've been wanting to check out? Since you did so well on your test.’ 

Ariel turned to her, a perplexed expression coating her features. After a moment she shrugged, “Okay - and for the record, bribery won't always work on me.” 

Leanne let out a small chuckle as she nodded, “Noted. But I'll take what I can get.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Can I get another suture kit please?” 

Leanne rose her brow at Jesse, who was completely off his rocker trying to figure out why she had already gone through two suture kits. Handing her another fresh kit she pulled it open. 

“Who packed these? These sutures are horrible.”

Jesse tilted his head, his hand going to his hip. “I did.” 

Glancing at him over his glasses, “Oh.” She went back to her work at hand. Finally, after what seemed like the most embarrassing work since her internship she finished suturing the patient. Standing up straight she ripped her gloves off and tossed them on the tray. 

“You alright Leanne?”

She took her glasses off and hooked them in her scrubs, “Just dandy.” 

“Okay.” Jesse watched as she moved past him and went to the nurses station. 

Leanne moved around to the back side of the station. She sat down, sighing heavily as she grabbed her cold cup of coffee. Taking a drink she grimaced at the taste and reached for a chart she had been working. Skimming the pages she shot up from the chair, “Doctor Savetti, come here.” 

At the stern sound of his name being called Mario handed his chart to Angus and made a beeline for the nurses station. Picking up the chart she held it out, “Sign.” 

Mario did so as quickly as possible then moved away and back to his patient. Jesse raised his brow as Leanne sat back down. 

“Are you sure you're alright. You seem a bit on edge today.”

Slamming the chart shut she gave Jesse a tight smile. “I'm great!” 

Standing up she filed the chart, her hazel hues catching Ethan at one of the side beds. He had been watching her, and clearly she was not alright. Rolling her eyes at him lightly she picked up her coffee cup and left the nurses station. Leanne made a quick getaway down the hallway and to her office. 

Ethan pursed his lips, his nose wrinkling as he did so. Finishing up what he was doing with his patient he discarded his gloves and headed to her office as well. He rounded the corner only to stop short of the door due to her figure heading out. 

Scoffing she turned back into her office, “I'm busy.” 

“Fuming.” 

Raising her brow she turned back to him, “Excuse me?” 

Ethan stepped into her office and turned to shut the door. “You are busy, fuming.” 

Crossing her arms over her chest she set her jaw, “I am pretty sure I have every damn right to be.” 

Nodding he stepped back and leaned against the wall. “You do, I know this isn't easy.”

Letting out an annoying laugh she shook her head. “No, Ethan. Easy is doing a blind thoracotomy with my hands tied behind my back. What you are doing to me, what I'm being faced with is downright difficult.” 

“I wish I could change that.”

Licking her lips she bit her bottom lip. “You can, just don't go. Tell them you changed your mind. Tell them that your idiot decision was an impulse.” 

Dropping his head Ethan crossed his arms over his chest. “It isn't that simple - I already signed the paperwork, I already have my orders.” 

Shifting on her feet she looked already way from him. She then frowned, her head tilting to the side as she shook her head. “I still don't understand. How you could make this decision without coming to me. Without discussing this, because it's not just changing your life Ethan. It's changing mine.” 

“I didn't know how to come to you Leanne.” His voice was soft, almost inaudible in the room. 

“You didn't know what?”

Ethan cleared his throat, picking up his head and looking over at her. “I said I didn't know how to come to you. I've made decisions for myself my whole life, I haven't been with someone in years. And now -- now you and Ariel. You two - you two gave me a life I didn't ever think I'd have. How could I come to you and tell you that I was willing to risk all of that, for a job?” 

Her lips pulled up into a painful smile. Pursing her lips she sighed, “You just did.” Pushing back some of her hair she then ran her fingers along her bottom lip. “If you go, I'm not waiting for you. If you go don't expect me to be that little weak woman waiting for her soldier to come home.” 

It was his turn to frown, “You act like I'm never coming back.” 

“You aren't, Ethan. When you leave that's it, I'm not waiting and I sure as hell am not making Ariel wait. She's been through enough already.” 

Crinkling his nose he nodded, “I don't expect you to wait, I'd just wish you wanted to.” 

Leanne watched as he moved out of her office and down the hallway. Sighing she dropped her shoulders, her eyes shutting momentarily. Turning around she headed towards her desk and flopped down. 

A knock on the outside of her door made her sigh, picking her head up slightly she pursed her lips. “What, Ethan?” 

Ariel stepped into the office, her arms crossing over her chest. “So you two are fighting.” 

Picking up her head Leanne glanced over at Ariel. Shaking her head she pushed herself up from her chair, “We are not. What are you doing here?” 

Tossing her backpack to the small couch she then tilted her head. “Short day, you said come by and we could do lunch - but if you are busy -” 

Leanne shook her head, “No, not busy. Let's go to the diner at the corner.” 

She moved around her desk to Ariel, she smiled at her reassuringly. “Come on.” 

-

Leanne sat in the kitchen, the fresh cup of coffee steaming out towards her as she scanned the newspaper. The words she was reading were pointless, yet she tried to hopelessly occupy her mind. Licking her lips she sat back in the chair, the iron of the intricate detail pressing against her back. Her ears perked as the knock from the front door sounded into the kitchen. Running her hand against the flattened newspaper she pushed the chair back and got up. Her polka dot covered feet carrying her to the door. 

She slowly unlocked it, the force of opening the door creating wind and pushing her loose hair back. Ethan held his hand up in a small wave, his other hand carrying an almost empty duffle bag. “I needed to come get a few things.” 

Nodding Leanne stepped aside, he walked into the house that he had grown so accustomed too. When he heard the door shut he turned back slightly, he watched as she tucked some hair behind her ear before fully turning towards him. 

“Erm, I made some coffee. If you want some.” 

Ethan nodded, his thumb going out to point at the stairs. “I'll just get what I need.” 

Inhaling softly she gave him a short nod. She watched as he headed up the stairs, his bag swaying lightly with his movements. Biting her lip she followed him up, her hand running against the banister as she heard him start to shuffle around in the bedroom. As she reached the top of the stairs she slowed her steps, she wasn’t ready for this. For him to completely erase himself from her life. Pressing her lips together she reached the doorway of her bedroom, leaning against the door frame she watched as he collected his things from her bathroom, and then the drawers he had been using. 

Turning towards her he gave her a weak smile, then went back to the drawer he was emptying. “Do you know where my blue sweater is?”

Clearing her throat quietly she nodded, moving into the room she walked past him and to the closed closet. Pulling it opened she disappeared into it, going to the small bench that was inside she picked up the folded sweater. One she had worn on numerous occasions, she brought it to her nose, inhaling deeply. His scent still lingered even after all this time. Lingering for a moment she etched the smell of his cologne into her mind. Pulling back she tensed her jaw, turning she came out of the closet and into the room, holding it out to him. “I washed it the other day, so it’s clean.”

Ethan walked over to her, his arm extending out as he collected the worn sweater from her. “Thank you.” 

He went to turn to put it in his duffle bag, but instead stopped. “I am sorry - about this.” 

Shaking her head she leaned against the door frame of the closet. “Just - don’t go, okay?” 

Her hazel eyes pleaded with him yet again, she couldn’t do this. Watch another person leave her life, a person that meant so much to her. She had vowed years ago that she would not let it happen again, and yet here she was, having to say goodbye to a man that held her heart. 

At her words he looked away, his eyes casting down to the floor. He shook his head slowly, “I’m sorry.”

Leanne frowned, she pushed herself away from the door frame and went to walk past him. But his hand on her arm stopped her. Slipping her eyes closed she shook her head as it fell. She couldn’t do this. 

“Just go.”

He tossed his sweater to her bed, his hand running up her forearm and slowly bringing her closer. She didn’t fight him, she didn’t pull back like he thought she would do. Stepping towards her his other hand went to her chin, lifting her head up. Her eyes opened to him, the tears starting to collect. He had never wanted to hurt her, but as he stood here, looking at the pain reflect out to him he knew that he couldn’t go back. Ethan moved her arm around him, pulling her to his chest as his arms fully enveloped her. 

Leanne couldn’t stop herself from going to him, her arms wrapped around him, her fingers gripping at his t-shirt as she leaned her head against his chest. Closing her eyes she listened to his heartbeat as she nuzzled to him more, her hand flattening against him as she felt him pull back. She wanted to pull away when his lips brushed against hers, but she instead pressed back to him. Savoring whatever moment the world was going to give them. His hands left her shoulders and threaded into her hair, causing her to moan into his mouth before pulling back. Almost breathless she leaned back to him, capturing his lips with hers once again. 

Ethan ran his fingers slowly down her exposed back, dipping into the divot of her spine before pulling back. She had fallen asleep an hour ago, and he couldn't bring himself to move from her. But the minutes were passing by, and he was due for the airport in about four hours. He wished he hadn't been so stupid to make this decision without her. But he had never known what it was like to be with someone, to not decide for himself. He knew he had let her down, that he had let Ariel down. But what was done, was done. 

Sighing heavily he moved closer, his forehead pressing against the back of her head. Inhaling deeply he tried to remember the smell of her freshly shampooed hair, the way her hair would fall into her face. How her voice was husky when she woke up, and how in her sleep she would reach out to him, just to make sure he was there. He tried to engrave the curve of her body into his mind, and the way she would whisper his name. 

Closing his eyes he picked his head up, only to lean back to her and kiss her shoulder. He let his lips linger for a moment before pulling back, his body losing warmth as he fully pulled away from her. Sitting up in the bed he ran his hands over his face, then brought himself to a standing position. Reaching for his bag he then retreated into the bathroom to dress. 

Once he dressed in his uniform he gathered the rest of his things, shoving them in his bag he flung it over his shoulder and then opened the door adjacent to the bedroom. Taking another glance at her in the bed he smiled, she had curled more into a fetal position, her hair caught in her face. He was going to miss this. Pressing his lips together he moved out of the bedroom, careful not to make to much noise as he headed down the stairs. 

He reached out for the door, but instead turned around to take one last look at the house he had called home. Leanne was right, he was an idiot. Turning back towards the door he unlocked it and stepped out, setting his bag down he shut the door and locked it back up. Taking the keys Leanne had given to him months ago he set them under the doormat. Picking up his bag again he headed down the stairs of the porch and toward the waiting cab. 

At the sound of a door closing Leanne jolted awake, her hand came up to push her hair from her eyes. Rolling to her back she reached out, her eyes tightening closed as she felt only cold sheets. She felt her heart beat faster as she retreated from the bed, grabbing her robe that was in a pile on the floor. Slipping it over her small frame she tied it loosely and went to the bedroom window. Leanne pulled back the sheer curtain and watched as Ethan put his duffle bag in the trunk of the cab. 

She frowned, her hand reaching out to lightly touch the cool glass panel. Quickly dropping her hand she moved from the window, her feet carried her faster than she imagined as she left the bedroom and headed down the stairs. Unlocking the door she flung it opened and stepped out into the day. Going down the short stairs of the porch she quickened her pace, “Ethan! Wait.”

She got as far as the sidewalk that turned into the street before the cab pulled away. Shaking her head she watched as the yellow cab quickly disappeared down the street, her arms wrapping around her as she stared out into the empty road. He was gone, with no more than a word, or thought. Leanne felt her body hunch forward, she thought there had been a chance he would change his mind. She had almost convinced him earlier that day, but, as cruel fate would have it she had been left - again.


	3. Chapter 3

Leanne was curled up on the worn leather chair, her coffee cup was balancing on the armrest as she watched the wind slowly sway the branches of the tree outside the window. It had been almost a week since Ethan left - yet it felt like an eternity. It hadn’t taken Ariel long to figure out what had happened, Leanne was partially grateful for that, she didn’t think she would have been able to tell the girl that he had chose to leave them. Closing her eyes she sighed heavily, her hand reaching gently to grasp the coffee cup and bring it to her lips. She took a sip, humming as the steaming hot liquid warmed her for a brief moment. As she heard Ariel’s footsteps descend down the stairs she opened her eyes and turned in her chair, her neck craning to see the blonde step onto the level ground. 

“You ready for school?”

Ariel simply nodded, shifting her backpack from one shoulder to the other. 

“You have work today?”

Slipping her feet out from under her she lifted herself from the chair, “Yeah - not a full shift though, I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere tonight. Get out of this house for a change.”

Shrugging Ariel turned on her feet and headed into the kitchen. Leanne followed, taking another sip of her coffee before clasping her other hand around the cup and bringing it to her chest. She watched as Ariel grabbed some fresh toast and a banana.

“Have you ever been to the Observatory?”

Turning around Ariel took a bite of toast, chewing quickly she shook her head. “I don’t think so, and if I did I definitely don’t remember.” 

Nodding Leanne moved to the sink, taking a last, long sip of her coffee before setting it down. “Well, then I’ll take you, if you want.”

“Yeah, sure. Hopefully you can get out of work on time.”

Licking her lips she nodded, “I have the rest of my shift covered, so you don't have to worry about that.” 

A small smile crept over Ariel’s face as she nodded and headed out of the kitchen. Leanne smirked as well and grabbed her bag and keys that were on the kitchen island. Heading towards the door she grabbed her purse and followed Ariel out. 

“You know, that the observatory is one of the only places in the county where you can perfectly see the city skyline.”

Glancing back at Leanne she shook her head, the beeping of the car unlocking causing her to turn back. “How many times have you been there?”

Pulling the back door open she smirked, “About a hundred.” Leanne tossed her work bag and purse in the back before shutting the door and going to the drivers side. 

Shaking her head Ariel laughed and climbed into the old blue car. Buckling her seatbelt she sighed, “Is it like - is that all you do there, look at the city skyline?”

Climbing into the car she shut her own door and slipped the keys in the ignition. Leaning back a bit she put her own belt on and shook her head. Pushing some of her hair back she started the car and proceeded to back out of the driveway. 

“It’s more of a science center than anything, but on the right night the telescope is open and you can see the other planets.”

Nodding she finished her toast and leaned down to her backpack, she opened it up and slipped the banana in the front pocket. Tucking her blonde hair behind her ear she sat back up straight. “So, what’s your favorite planet?”

Leanne put the car in drive and started to head down the street, she wrinkled her nose at the question, her brows raising in slight excitement. 

“Maybe, Jupiter. It has sixty seven moons, and besides the Sun, Moon, and Venus is the fourth brightest object in the solar system.” 

Laughing lightly Ariel shook her head, “How do you know so much about Jupiter?”

Shrugging lightly she stopped at a red light, she glanced over at Ariel - Leanne couldn’t figure out if she was actually interested, or just making it seem so. 

“My husband was an Astronomer, he taught at the college - it’s kind of why I fell so in love with him. He loved the universe just as much as I love medicine.”

Ariel’s face fell slightly, the light changed and she lifted her foot off the brake, pressing lightly on the gas she sighed. She knew the statement about Brian would open up a world of questions, one’s that she was not entirely prepared for. 

“What was he like, your husband?”

Licking her lips she inhaled sharply, letting her breath out slowly. She tightened her grip around the steering wheel, making her knuckles go white. She felt the familiar pang in her chest when people asked about him and the kids. Biting the inside of her cheek she shook her head lightly, as if to rid the air of the question that had just been asked. 

“We don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want, I was just curious.” 

Shaking her head again Leanne looked over at her, a small smile pulling at her lips. She turned her attention back to the road, “Brian was - he was smart, in many ways smarter than me. He loved history, and anything about the universe. He was a good man, and maybe someday I’ll go into more depth about it but we are at school, and you are already late.” 

She pulled up to the curb slowly and put the car in park, Ariel leaned her head back against the headrest in defeat. Unbuckling her belt she pushed opened the door and grabbed her backpack, “Alright, but I want more stories on this Brian, who is smarter than the great doctor Rorish.”

Laughing lightly she shook her head, as Ariel shut the door she waved back to her. Waiting a moment she watched until Ariel was in the confinements of the school’s gate before putting the car back in park and pulling away from the curb. 

\- 

“Remember, pressure on the side of the hip -” she pointed to the side that Malaya was holding, “and hold the ankle, on three please.”

Malaya counted to three and at the same time, with the same amount of pressure they pulled the knee back into place. Leanne nodded and checked the pulse at the ankle, stepping back she looked at the new interns who were eagerly watching over the case. 

“Always make sure that you have a pulse before moving on, the blood flow back to the rest of the leg is vital.” 

She pulled her gloves off, “Dr. Pineda will do the sutures now, you stay and watch over, the rest of you follow me.”

Leanne turned on her heel and the two other interns followed. She made her way from the sides and over to the nurses station, looking up she glanced at the board to see who was where. “Erm, Mario what do you have over there?”

“Bike accident, minor lacerations that will need suturing, possibly a broken arm but I’m waiting on the x-ray’s to come back. The machine has been down.”

Glancing in his direction she nodded, “You,” she pointed to a brown haired boy, couldn’t be more than twenty five. “Go oversee doctor Savetti please, and you go check on his x-ray’s. If they tell you they are backed up tell them that Dr. Rorish wants them now.” 

The young girl nodded and turned around, heading in the opposite direction of the x-ray lab. Sighing Leanne licked her lips and shook her head, “Other way doctor Green.” 

The brunette quickly turned around, almost colliding with Angus as she did so. Frantically she looked up at the sighs and headed in the correct direction for the x-ray lab. Shaking her head again she moved around the counter, grabbing her half drunk cup of coffee she discarded early. Bringing it to her lips she took a big gulp, her eyes squinting as she watched Mario and the intern work from afar. Removing the cup from her lips she stretched her neck to either side, and then pushed back her shoulders as she arched her back.

“You got a short day today?”

Turning at the sound of Jesse’s voice she nodded, “I think I’m going to take Ariel to the Observatory.”

He nodded and grabbed a chart that needed to be signed off on, “Should be fun, is she as excited as you are?”

Relaxing her stance she gave him a smirk, “Probably not.” Setting the cup down she wrinkled her nose, her free hand pushing back loose strands of her hair. “She asked about Brian today.” 

Raising his brows he halted his signature and leaned his arms against the counter, “Oh? And how did that go?” 

Pursing her lips she sighed, “It was kind of my doing, I started talking about Jupiter.”

“Oh no! Not Jupiter.”

Leanne rolled her eyes, a playful smile reaching her lips, “Oh, shut up.” she was quick to match Jesse’s chuckle, her hand went up and waved lightly, trying to disregard the conversation.

“So, what did you tell her?”

Shrugging she glanced down at the messy counter, pens, notes, half filled out forms and old coffee was scattered around the area. She was going to need to appoint someone to clean this up. Looking back up at Jesse she licked her top lip unconsciously. “That he was a teacher, and smart.”

Nodding again he pursed his lips, “That tells her all about him then.”

Leaning her head back she shook it lightly, “I don’t think I’m ready to go into the depths of my dead husband and children.”

Shifting his weight from one leg to the other he tapped his pen against the chart. “You know, it might make you two bond a little better. You have many things in common with her, you two just haven’t explored them yet.”

Grabbing her cup of coffee she scoffed, a light roll in her eyes as she stepped around the chair. “We are bonding just fine, thank you.” 

She bit the inside of her cheek as she heard Jesse hum at her statement, the slight shake of his head causing her to roll her eyes again. As she was clear of center stage she checked her watch, four more hours. Stepping aside as the intern who was sent to x-rays came flying by, Leanne noted her empty hands and halted her walking. 

“Doctor -” she wrinkled her nose as the name escaped her, thankfully she didn’t have to finish her sentence because the young girl turned around. Leanne was partly amused by the panic in her face as she knew what was to come next. 

“They said they were backed up.”

Raising her brow she nodded, “Did you tell them I requested the rush?”

The shrinking demeanor of the young girl told Leanne that she probably didn’t have the chance to get that far. Pressing her lips together she pointed in the direction of center stage. “Tell doctor Savetti I will get his x-rays, you go see if you can practice your sutures.” 

She didn’t wait for the intern to turn and go do as she was told, instead of hiding in the confinements of her office for the rest of her shift she made a beeline for the x-ray lab. 

“Marcus - I need those x-rays for Sav--”

The x-ray tech held out a folder containing the x-rays that had been requested about an hour ago. Leanne gave him a raised brow as she pointed in his direction, her free hand taking the folder. 

“And don’t give my interns a hard time.”

Turning around she headed back down the hallway, she shook her head as the tech retorted back that it was the only fun he had around here. The walk was short as she headed back to the side that Savetti was in. She slipped the x-ray out of its sleeve, flipping on the light she placed it on the screen. 

“You’ve got a fracture, not a break. But it’s a nasty one.” 

Mario moved behind Leanne to look at the x-ray, “Well - that’s good news.” He turned back around, “no, like I showed you. Don’t rush a suture, you don’t want them to have to come back and get it fixed later. Make it perfect the first time.” 

Turning at his teaching Leanne smiled, a bullet Mario was when he first came to Angels. She had been ready to kick him out of the program numerous times, now look at him. Second year resident, teaching interns how to do sutures. Jumping lightly at the feeling of her phone going off she stepped out of the bay and into the slightly busy walk way. Grabbing her phone from her pocket she squinted as the screen lite up, a small gasp slipped from her lips as she saw it was from Ethan. 

Biting her bottom lip she contemplated whether or not to answer it. Her thumb hovered over the green button on the screen, and at last second she clicked it dark, declining the phone call. Tensing her neck she let her eyes dance across the floor. 

“Dr. Rorish?”

Her slightly watery eyes looked up at Angus, her brow raising in question. 

“Can you come take a look at this? I want a second opinion.”

Nodding she slipped her phone back in her pocket and followed Angus to the side bay that his patient was in. Jesse watched as she moved from her spot in the hallway, he had watched her take her phone out, contemplate answering and then changed her mind. There was only one person, as far as he was concerned, that would be calling her during her shift. Pressing his own lips together his eyes followed her as she went to assist Angus with a patient. It was no more than ten minutes later that she reappeared in the hallway and fished out her phone again. He glanced away as she glanced up, giving it a moment he looked back in her direction as she pressed her phone against her ear. 

Leanne punched in her key for her voicemail, her eyes casted down at her sneakers as his voice filled her ears. 

_Hey, so I just wanted to let you know that I made it here safely. I’ve been all settled into my living quarters, though it is nothing like the apartments in the city. This hospital, Leanne - you would be impressed. It is pretty stateoftheart considering where I am, the equipment could use some work, as well as their protocols, but that is going to take a while to get a handle on. Erm, I’m kind of rambling aren’t I?_

Rolling her eyes she nodded as if he was standing right in front of her. Catching herself she leaned against the wall, tucking some hair behind her ear. She would never admit it, but she missed his voice. How soothing it was. 

_Tell Ariel hello for me, and tell her to study for that Chemistry test she has coming up next week. - I, uhm, I miss you Leanne. I wish you would let me talk to you, we could figure this out you know. We could make it work. I know you said that you didn’t want to be one of those women waiting around for her soldier, but, man I wish you would change your mind. Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon._

Pulling the phone from her ear she deleted it, leaning the side of her head against the wall she closed her eyes. Pushing back the feeling of utter abandonment and emptiness, she pushed herself from the wall and went over to the bustling station. Jesse had turned around after she had closed her eyes, pretending to scribble on a chart before closing it. 

“Got anything for me?”

Jesse shook his head and set the chart aside, “Nope - we are all good right now. Ariel call you?”

Furrowing her brows she shook her head, worry striking her as she reached for her phone. “Did she call the hospital, you? Is everything okay?”

Putting up a hand Jesse shook his head, “No no, I saw you on your phone. I just wanted to make sure everything was good.” 

Slipping her phone back in her pocket she softened her worried expression. “No, that wasn’t Ariel.” 

Wrinkling his nose he nodded, “Ethan then?”

The slight glare he was giving gave him his answer. Jesse turned to his side slightly as one of his nurses dropped off a chart. He brought his attention back to Leanne, “How is he doing?”

Shifting on her feet she swallowed the lump in her throat, “Fine I guess. He left a voicemail.” 

Jesse brought his hand up to his chin, he rubbed at his beard before dropping his hand. “Look, it is none of my business, but don’t you think you should give him a chance?”

Her lips pursed as her brows rose slightly, “You are right Jesse, it is none of your business.”

“Look, I’m just sayin’ you two were so happy together. It seems like you are wasting what you two had for those five months.” 

Shifting again on her feet she lifted her hand out to him, pointing in his direction she shook her head. “It is none of your business what time I am wasting, he left, not me. Butt out of it Jesse.”

He threw his hands up, “Yes ma'am.” 

Leanne’s features soften just a bit before she shook her head and stepped around Isabel. She moved down the hallway, her hand slipping in her pocket and running along her phone. Groaning she went into her office, turning the knob on the door she pushed it opened and sighed heavily. Not wanting to deal with the paperwork and emails that were calling her name she headed over to the small couch. Flopping down in it she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She never thought she'd say this, but she was ready for the shift to be over. 

“Leanne -” 

She shook her head lightly, a small groan escaping her throat as she went to lift her head. She frowned as a bit of a fog filled her mind.

“What?”

Running her hands over her face she tried to clear her eyes of the blur. When had she fallen asleep? 

“I came from school. Figured I'd wait here until you were off shift.” 

Sitting up on the couch she nodded, Ariel moved from the doorway and to her vacant desk. Plopping her backpack down she sat down, a Coke in her hand. Standing up Leanne licked her lips, “You shouldn't be drinking those.”

Ariel scoffed as she opened the can, “It's my first one all week.” 

Nodding Leanne reached for her pager, checking to see if she missed anything. She wrinkled her nose when she saw no new pages, she checked her watch. It had only been thirty minutes, shrugging lightly she looked up at Ariel. 

“You hungry?” 

Shaking her head she reached for her backpack.

“Nah, I finished the rest of my lunch while I headed over here.” 

Frowning she pulled her phone out of her pocket, “Why didn't you text me, I would of ran to go get you.”  
Shrugging she pulled out her binder and textbook. She took a sip of her soda before setting it down. 

“It's only a few blocks, I can manage.” 

Leanne tucked some hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. 

“Alright, I'm gonna go out on the floor.” 

Opening her textbook Ariel nodded as Leanne headed out of the office and into the hallway. She walked slowly, her hands shoved in her scrubs pockets as she ran over Ethan's voicemail. Shaking her head she ran her tongue over her teeth. He was crazy if he thought she wanted to make this work. She wasn't going to be the women who waited, who waited for that phone call or that knock on the door to tell her that her lover died. 

“Woa! Watch out.” 

Leanne stepped back as one of the interns came flying by. She narrowed her eyes and watched him go to one of the he sides where Malaya was. Removing her hands from her pockets she tucked her hair behind her ear and stepped behind the nurses station. Isabel looked up and smiled at her, the ringing of a phone causing her to look away and answer. 

Leanne looked at the empty rack that usually held charts. Wrinkling her nose she scanned the floor, everyone was with a patient, or finishing up with a patient. Taking a seat in the vacant chair next to Isabel she pulled out her phone. Unlocking it she went to contacts, seeking Ethan's number she tapped lightly on the side of the phone. She felt her heartbeat rise as she pressed on the call button, bringing the phone up to her ear she listened to the drowning sound of the ringing. Her heart jumped in her throat when she heard his voice, it was soft, like it always was when he spoke to her. A sudden overwhelming feeling of longing filled her mind, was she stupid to tell him she wouldn’t wait. 

_‘Leanne?’_

She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she was an idiot to say that she wasn’t going to wait for him to come home, that she would wait, for as long as she needed to. 

“Dr. Rorish! We need you over here.”

Glancing up from the pen she had absently been staring at she nodded, getting up from her spot she took the phone away from her ear, ending the call and putting the phone back in her scrubs pocket.


	4. Chapter 4

Leanne smiled as she watched Ariel move to each station that held information on the planets. She would step on each grey platform, which told you the weight on Earth, and the weight on that planet. Once she was done with that she would get closer to each square that held facts about the planets. A wonder, a awe would grace Ariel’s face as she would step back and then move on to the next one. Tearing her eyes away from the young girl she looked at the wall that held the galaxy, she could stare at it for hours, and at one point after the accident she had. Licking her lips slightly she leaned to her left as Ariel’s shoulder and arm came into contact with her own. 

Glancing over at Ariel she gave her a small smile. 

“Whats up with Einstein?” 

Glancing to her right she smirked lightly at the bronze sculpture next to them. Einstein sat crooked, his arm extended up and his index finger parallel to the wall. She remembered trying to explain it to Caitlin and James, who were having none of it. They were far too fascinated with the giant planets hanging above their heads. 

“It’s the Big Picture.”

She heard Ariel laugh, “The Big Picture?”

Shuffling a bit Leanne nodded, “Einstein is holding up his index finger, which is about a foot from his face. His index finger covers a portion of the galaxy that you see, however, if you were to cut an outline of the space his finger covered, and then zoom in there would still be stars and galaxies in that little fraction of space.”

Ariel turned and put up her hand, her index finger going out as she put it up about a foot from her face. A smile spread over her lips as she then let her arm fall back to her side. “The Big Picture.”

Nodding Leanne got up, “Exactly.” 

Following suit Ariel put her bag on her shoulder, “What’s next?”  
"You want to see the Telescope?”

Her nod cased Leanne to smile, turning on her heel they made their way to the staircase that would lead them to the top floor. They followed the small crowd outside, the fresh air hitting her and causing her to gasp slightly. They rounded the front of the building and headed up a ramp that wound around the curvature of the building. A back sign, with white lettering that was starting to eliminate from the dusk read ‘Telescope’. 

“Wow.”

Leanne halted her steps and turned around, her lips parting softly as Ariel leaned against the wall, the skyline of Los Angeles greeting them with hues of orange, yellow and blue. 

“I always thought it was an ugly city - and then, you see this.” 

Moving to her side she leaned her elbows against the concrete, her hands coming up so her chin could rest in her palms. Her hazel eyes scanned the city below them. A city that looked so quiet and perfect. 

“After the accident this was the only place I could find some sort of peace. It was quiet up here, and no one bothered you. Especially in the early morning, when the sun was just starting to creep over the valley.” 

Leanne let her hands fall, her arms lying over each other as she closed her eyes for a brief second. The breeze pushing back her chestnut hair. When she opened her eyes she sighed softly, a slight moisture to them. 

“I’m sorry - about your family.”

A small smile pulled at her lips as she turned her head towards Ariel, “I’m sorry about yours.” 

Ariel matched the small smile and leaned her head against Leanne’s shoulder. A pang of happiness, and sadness filled Leanne’s heart as she too gently leaned the side of her head against Ariel’s. 

\-- 

“So how did the chemistry test go?” 

Ariel wrinkled her nose, her head falling down and causing her hair to fall into her face. When she heard Ethan sigh she lifted her head up. 

“Come on, I helped you study for that test. You were doing great - what happened?” 

She sighed and shrugged, “Leanne and I even studied. I don't know.” 

Ethan fixed the tablet he was using, straightening it on the desk. “Show me the test.” 

Nodding she pursed her lips, something Ethan was more than sure she had gotten from Leanne. He waited as she shuffled through her backpack and pulled out her binder for chemistry. Opening the binder she grabbed the first paper and then held it up for him. Ethan immediately laughed and shook his head. 

“You cheeky thing!” 

Ariel chuckled and put the paper down. 

“I guess all that studying does work.” She bit her bottom lip softly, “Oh, I also got my English grade up to a B.” 

“Good, keep that up! Your grades are getting better.”

Ariel leaned back in her chair. She turned when she heard the knock on her door. Leanne pushed the door opened a bit and peeked in, “Hey if you wanna sign up for soccer we need to leave in about ten minutes.”

“Okay I'll be down in a bit.”

Leanne smiled and shut the door again, she went into her bedroom and grabbed her cowboy boots and phone, she then descended down the stairs and waited for Ariel. Sighing Ariel turned back to the computer, a small pout on her lips. She noticed Ethan's change as well. 

“Well I better go.”

Ethan nodded, “Soccer huh?”

“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to play, never had the chance until now.” She wrinkled her nose, her small smile falling as she watched Ethan’s smile fell. His blue eyes suddenly going solemn as he glanced down at the table his tablet was on. “You miss her, don't you?” 

Looking up at Ariel he nodded, he cleared his throat, pressing his lips together as he sat back in his chair. 

“Everyday kid.” 

Pursing her lips she nodded, “Yeah - she misses you too.”

Ethan raised his brow slightly, shaking his head he ran his hand over his chin. “She’s got a funny way of showing it.”

His comment made Ariel chuckle a bit, nodding as if she knew exactly how Leanne was she sighed. “You should call her.”

It was his turn to laugh, “I had similar thoughts, kid.” he clasped his hands together, “you better get going. You know how she feels when we run late.”

Ariel nodded, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Ethan nodded as well, “Course.”

Smiling she waved bye and ended the call. Closing her laptop she pushed her desk chair back and grabbed her converse. Opening her bedroom door she rounded the banister and headed down the staircase, “I have five minutes!”

Leanne smirked as she let her arm fall from checking her watch. “Better to be early Ariel.” 

Rolling her eyes a bit she sat down on the last stair and pulled her shoes on. Jumping up from the stairs she smiled at Leanne, who was already standing with the door open. With a little hop in her step Ariel headed out of the foyer, Leanne quickly following behind. “Let's go sign up for soccer!”

\-- 

The beeping of the machines blared in her ears, the patients sats were dropping. His pressure falling as the spleen was bleeding from the laceration. He had been stable ten minutes ago, and then all of a sudden the spleen had ruptured; common for car accidents. Leanne hadn’t had time to get him to an OR, so instead she had opened him up in center stage. “Pull a little more to the left Mario.” 

Mario nodded and did as he was asked. He watched as Leanne moved quickly and carefully with her stitches. “How much blood has he lost?”

“About two liters.”

Nodding she bit her bottom lip, then her tongue lightly darted out as she finished the last part of her stitches. Her heart was racing - “Come on.”

She pulled back as she finished tying off the laceration. Stepping back she watched the monitor beep uncontrollably. Biting the inside of her cheek she sighed, her eyes slipping closed as his blood pressure and heart rate was starting to go back to normal. 

“Okay - Savetti, close him up and get him up to ICU.”

Leanne stepped back as Mario took her spot so he could close up the patient. Ripping her gloves off she tossed them in the bin, taking her glasses off she pulled her yellow gown off and tossed it with her gloves. Slipping her glasses in her scrubs pocket she went to the nurses station, pulling the patient's chart open she made quick, and neat notes as to what procedures and medications were administered. She slipped the pen from her writing position to rest against her thumb and between her middle finger and ring finger. Picking up her cup of coffee she took a long sip, humming as she set down the cup again to finish her notes. 

“Don't forget the chart Mario.” 

With the red chart in her hand she extended out her arm as Mario started to go by with the patient. He nodded and took the chart from her, setting it by the patient's feet and heading to the elevator. Letting out a small sigh she slipped her pen back in her scrubs pocket and grabbed her cup of coffee. 

“So, Ariel told me that she signed up for soccer.”

Turning in Jesse's direction she nodded, a smile growing as she took a quick sip of coffee. “She did, her first game is in two weeks.” 

“That's good, will keep her busy.” 

Leanne nodded, “She wants to know if you'll come to the games.” 

A playful surprise lite up Jesse's face, his hand going to his chest as he stepped slightly in front of her. “She wants mama to go to her games?” 

Rolling her eyes she shook her head, “Get over yourself.”

Smiling he stepped in tune with her, “Neva’.” 

Leanne gave him a small snort as they continued walking towards the cafeteria. Jesse pressed his lips together and glanced over at her, then away. Raising her brow she looked over at him, “What?”

He shook his head and threw up his hands, “Nothin’.”

Tilting her head she shrugged and continued walking. As they rounded the corner for the cafeteria she let out a light sigh. The line was a little longer than normal, then again she hadn't been to the cafeteria with Jesse in a while. Usually Ethan and her would escape the confinement of the hospital and go to the small diner a block away. 

As they stepped to the back of the line she wrinkled her nose, trying to see if they still had any salads left. 

“So -” 

Leanne flattened her sneakered feet against the old tiled floor. “There it is.” 

“There what is?”

Licking her lips she smirked, “Jesse, I've known you since the stone age. You always say it's nothing, and then two seconds later you change your mind and tell me.” 

He signed, “Have you talked to Ethan yet?”

Pressing her lips together she shook her head, “We are not talking about Ethan.” 

“It's been almost two months Leanne - Don't you think it's time to get off your high horse and talk to him?”

She turned around, her back facing the people that were ahead of them in line. “My high horse? Perfect, you do know he was the one who left. After how many months? He left me!” 

Jesse signed, his shoulders falling forward. “I get it, he left you. But he has been trying, calling you, talking with Ariel -” 

Her eyes narrowed, “He's been talking with Ariel?”

Shaking his head he nodded towards the person in front of Leanne, the line had started to slowly move. 

“Don't change the subject. You are being stubborn, you won't even give him the time of day to explain himself.”

Turning around she crossed her arms over her chest, “There is nothing to explain. He had the option of staying, he chose the latter.” 

Leanne could hear Jesse sigh behind her, she pressed her lips together ignoring the sigh. 

“Don’t you think you are being a little hard on him about this?”

Straightening her back she pursed her lips, her arms uncrossing from her chest as she perked up. “Look, they have the salads I like.”

Jesse shook his head, defeated yet again. She was so damn stubborn it was incredible. Dropping the subject he decided it was best - for now. They ate their lunch without any mention of Ethan, and when they were done Leanne had departed to her office to get some paperwork done, and Jesse went back to the trauma floor. 

Tapping her pen against her desk as her left elbow was perched against her desk, her chin resting in the palm of her hand as she read over an email from Ed Harbert. Wrinkling her nose she dropped her pen and reached for her mouse, clicking back over to her inbox she shifted through the bullshit emails and left the important ones. She had just clicked on another email from the board when her phone rang, picking her head up from its resting position she reached for her phone, which was on the other side of the desk. Flipping it over she hesitated at picking it up - it was Ethan. 

Sighing heavily she bit her bottom lip, clicking the answer button she brought her phone to her ear. 

“Leanne? - Lea, please talk to me.”

Licking her lips she glanced down at her keyboard, she briefly closed her eyes before reopening them, watching a few nurses walk by her window. “What do you want Ethan?”

A soft sigh escaped his lips, “It’s good to hear your voice.”

Leaning back in her chair she sighed, she didn’t want to do this - she couldn’t do this. 

“Look - I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but we can’t keep doing this. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

Licking her lips again she leaned forward, “after everything we’ve been through? You would think after everything we’ve been through you wouldn’t have left in the first place.”

“Leanne-”

His tone was tired, they had been round and round in circles with this conversation. Him leaving, her despising him for it. He knew he’d made a mistake taking the position in Afghanistan, but it was done and over with, and there was nothing either of them could do about it now. She knew this, he knew this. It was pointless going back and forth with it.

“I hear Ariel is playing soccer.”

Nodding at his words she leaned back in her chair, her nails dragging along the leather arm rest. 

“Her first game is soon - she’s got a scrimmage on Friday.” 

Ethan slightly smiled - they were talking like normal, or as normal as it was going to be with them. 

“Well, tell her good luck for me. Video tape it, if you can?”

Getting up from her chair she bit her bottom lip, “I’ll try -” clearing her throat she leaned back slightly, “Ethan…”

“We can make this work, you know. This isn’t forever - this position. I’ll be back in about five months, we don’t have to call it quits just because I’m out here.”

Leaning her head forward she shook it slowly, “I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

He gave her a small sigh, “Why not? Because your mother?”

“This has nothing to do with my mother.”

“She did it, is that why? Because she waited for your father when he was gone?”

Lifting her head she glanced out the window, the passing of another group of nurses making her wish there was a trauma coming in. 

“It’s not the same thing, I’m not your father.”

Kicking her foot lightly against her desk she shook her head again, “I watched her pace the living room, waiting for that phone call - waiting for someone to show up at the door and tell her that the base her husband was living in had been blown up. I waited for her to become a widow - I am a widow Ethan, I’m not going through that again, I’m not going to be my mother pacing my living room waiting for someone to call me, if I get any call, that you were ambushed, that you died.” 

“You don’t know that it will ever happen.”

“No, and neither do you. It could happen right now for all we know. It took two seconds for that car to crash into mine, two seconds and everything I loved was gone. That’s all it takes and you know that. I’m not -- I’m not going to do it, and I’m not going to put Ariel through that. She’s already lost so much.”

Ethan sighed again, this time heavier than the last. “It just, it doesn’t have to be this way.”

Nodding she squared up her jaw, her eyes blinking fiercely so the tears wouldn’t fall. “But it does - I hope you are safe, but please - I can’t keep doing this anymore. Goodbye Ethan.”

“Leanne, just wait-”

She set the phone down on the desk, staring at it until the screen went black. Closing her eyes she then ran her hands over her face, dropping her hands she sniffled and grabbed the phone, shoving it in her scrubs pocket she headed out of her office. Her threat of tears quickly disappearing as the walls she had dropped for him built back up.


End file.
